


My Dear Sherlock, Goodbye

by shazel64



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Angst, Mourning John, Other, Rosamund Watson - Freeform, Worstan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-31
Updated: 2017-01-31
Packaged: 2018-09-21 05:44:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9534212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shazel64/pseuds/shazel64
Summary: John's letter that he wrote to Sherlock at the end of TST.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to Anna and Julia for helping me perfect this and giving me some needed feedback! Enjoy the angst.

My dear Sherlock,

Why do I still care about you? I feel so... wrong. With you, I can't help but feel right. This guilt I feel is tearing me up inside. Mary-- or Rosamund... I don't know anymore. I didn't really love her. At least not in the way that I love and care for you, and I don't think you'd ever understand how that makes me feel.  
She died before I got the chance to tell her the truth. The truth that I couldn't be with her anymore, that I cheated on her, that I didn't have anymore love to give to her. She felt like a leech, Sherlock. A leech sucking everything out of me, slowly, like she was torturing me. I still feel like she's there sometimes.  
I see her a lot nowadays, and she mostly talks about you. She tells me to talk to you, to... make up with you. I'm trying to separate myself from you. I want to hate you, Sherlock. I wonder if my life would be easier if I was just like everyone else, but I can't. I just can't. I don't have it in me to hate someone so magnificent. You're brilliant and I hate it.  
Sherlock, I don't want you to come by anymore. I don't want your help. I just want to feel independent again. I don't want you using me anymore. I want to feel like myself again. Not your pawn, not her pawn, not Mycroft's pawn. I want to feel like me. John Watson. I want to raise my daughter, and be a good father for her. The father I never had, and I can't have that if you're in the picture. So this is it. Molly is going to give you this letter. I can't handle seeing you again. Not right now, maybe not ever.  
I'm done with you, Sherlock. I never want to see you again. I hate you. You made a vow, and you broke it. You promised to keep her safe, and you didn't. I don't need you trying to save me this time around. I don't need your saving. I can take care of myself. I always needed you, but now I need to be independent. I don't know why, of all people, I had chosen to trust you when you were in fact the most untrustworthy person of all.  
When you ran off on our first case together, Sally Donovan told me something. She told me that one day we would be standing around a body and you would be the one that put it there. She told me not to trust you. Yet I did. Biggest mistake of my life actually. Because you did put a body on the ground, and we were all left standing there. You ruined my life, and not just the fact that you got my wife killed. Ever since we first met, everything after that has been mini disaster after mini disaster. I should have never trusted you.  
As a soldier, I have lots of regrets. Trusting you, no, loving you, is my biggest regret yet.

You saved me Sherlock, but this... thing between us can't be happening anymore. I can't handle it anymore. This is the end, Sherlock. Goodbye.

John


End file.
